Facing change has become part of our everyday lives – changes in technology, our environment, the financial climate, our relationships. Most of us use our energy to keep up with these daily changes, but what happens when we reach a major crossroads? At these moments there is a set of circumstances which come together and conspire to force change upon us. There is a natural rhythm to some crossroads moments – having children or retirement for example, which are demanding but expected. Some crossroads are of our own making. We feel stuck where we are and want to create change, to find a new direction. Others are forced on us through redundancy, illness, death or divorce, often not of our choice and harder to cope with.
This moment of major change can redefine our lives. The choices and decisions we make can alter the direction we are travelling and can open up whole new experiences for us. The question is ‘what can I do to help me make good choices when I reach a ‘crossroads’?’.
‘Making good choices’ -there is a challenge. If we had more confidence that we would make choices that lead to positive new experiences at these times of change, maybe they would not be so difficult for us. One of the things we need to learn is to listen to ourselves more deeply. Other voices seem louder. Many of us might never have asked ourselves the question ‘What do I really want?’ Finding our way through to answers becomes a journey in itself. This is especially so when the circumstances of change lead to confusion and a new landscape for us to negotiate.
Do we know what we have to offer in the confusion of possibilities which is now in front of us? We do not always know or appreciate our unique gifts and abilities. What are we especially good at? Could I be confident in my unique contribution? Change creates an opportunity for us to discover new ways to express ourselves – even to become more fully ourselves both in our activities and our relationships.
Where do we go for help at these moments in our lives? In the hubbub of our daily live, one way of making time and space to listen to ourselves is to go on retreat. People have been going on retreat for thousands of years. Put simply, a retreat is a time when we step outside our ordinary lives to reflect on ourselves, our relationships, our values and our dreams. A retreat is time when we discover the wisdom that lies deep within us. Being on retreat is part of our inner journey. To journey well, we need time, space, a little silence and, just occasionally, someone to listen. We may then understand more of the fullness of the life to which we are called. Taking time out of our everyday life will help us to make the right choices at our current crossroads. It will enable us to have more confidence in our ability to handle such situations.
This is what Peter did at a time when he had been made redundant and took two days on a Crossroads Retreat to consider his options. In some ways he welcomed this redundancy which had created the opportunity for change. His work had become stale and he was reflecting on why this was so and where he needed to change. Over the two days he mapped his journey to discover how he had got to this place and what he really wanted for his life. He thought about the process of change and was able to focus on where his strengths lay and what he is uniquely gifted for. His confidence grew as he began to see something of his way ahead and to see that this time of change could provide an exciting opportunity for him. This is what he had to say:
“Things are moving fast, I have to say. All that happened on the retreat is really taking shape, in a scary way in fact. I am still reaping insightful and hugely encouraging benefits a year later. I have never known two days seem like two whole weeks before - so refreshing, so different, so worthwhile.” Peter
A retreat such as Crossroads can be so much more than the opportunity of a one off experience at a change point. It can give tools and a way of thinking that is for life. It can give confidence which equips you because you will know more about who you are, what you can contribute and tools for the onward journey. It can provide a platform as you move into your developing future.